HEH.. and here it is 4 am in the morning and i am still wide awake.
Eh? maybe not, already starting to zone out infront of the computer. In any other cases, i really wonder why i am still awake. Cause this is starting to give me time to think, think bout rubbish and all that... Meh, i am not getting depressed anymore. I realized, i was wasting my time getting upset over small things, big things, medium things, something, nothing? I shall be the emotionless human to roam the earth. I wanna be emotionless, like not even reacting, just doing my own stuff..
Apparently, half of me have died off. Just died.. haha, Given up on somethings that i try to hold onto, yet everything's slipping away so slowly yet that quickly. One would be loosing my mind. Second would be loosing my senses.. thirdly would be loosing everything i treasured in this life. XD. Well, james was awefully right about how selfish i was for not seeing things the positive way. But, what am i supposed to do? Change over night? I cant change over night, i like the sadness, i like the loneliness, i like whacking myself up till i can literally tell myself i am a worthless fool. Although i have never gone through the worst of my own life as compared to the others.. I just wanna feel for them, feel their sadness. Instill them into my own, and create my own unexplained series of sadness. I dont really know what i want in life. I just seem to be wandering aimlessly...
Where am i suppose to head to, What do i really want? Till today, I believe god told me to walk this path of life, to help people... well, how can i help someone else when i myself cant help myself out of my own problems? XD i dont want pity, i dont want empathy, i dont want someone to be there for me... i just wanna be alone.. Just leave me alone.. stop bugging me. Just get out of my life.. all and every single one of you.
Seriously speaking, no one can help me now. GAHH... i really dont know what i want..
i am not suicidal for any point of time.. heh, i will NEver end my life over something small..zzz what for?
I am so confused :(... this whole post dont even make any sense.. one minute i am like a kid wanting attention, next i Dont want any, then i get angry, i hate, then i become happy again..
Wtf is wrong with me?
sigh... i must be delusional..
GET BACK TO REALITY YOUNG LADY...>:l
dreamer's world.. dreamer's music..
11:29
